I Sit Beside Your Graveside

I sit beside your graveside and watch as night takes day,

My wish is just to lay there; with you forever stay.

 

I sit beside your graveside, beneath the star-filled sky,

The only word to haunt me – that pain-filled question ‘Why?’

 

I sit beside your graveside with sorrow-filled despair,

An anger burns so deeply because it’s so unfair.

 

I sit beside your graveside and wish to turn back time,

For I’d never let you go and you would still be mine.

 

I sit beside your graveside and together we can be,

My eyes shut tight – there we are, my little Ned and me.

 

 

I’ll Search For You

I’ll search the star-filled sky at night,

I’ll watch your Red Kite soar in flight.

I’ll search the rainbows to their end,

I’ll search until my heart will mend.

 

In every room I’ll search for you,

There’s nothing else that I can do.

I’ll blindly walk along the lane,

Praying that I’ll see you again.

 

By your grave I cry in sorrow,

Begging not to see tomorrow.

But then a fluttering in my heart

Tells me that we’ll never part.

 

For in my heart and mind you are,

Forever near and never far.

I’ll see you when the time is right,

Then forever more I’ll hold you tight.

 

 

Why?

Why does the day turn into night and night turn into day?

Why can’t I close my eyes and wish this emptiness away?

Why does the pain grow stronger, its roots entwining tight?

Why does my mind not rest at all throughout the long dark night?

 

Why did I let my little boy step from my arms that day?

Why was he snatched away from me in such a cruel way?

Why can’t I turn the clock right back for then you’d still be here?

Why as your Mam I didn’t know that I should keep you near?

 

Why couldn’t I foresee it? Why couldn’t I just know?

Why didn’t I hold on so tight and never let you go?

Why am I still here not knowing what I should do?

Why can’t my heart stop beating and let me be with you?

 

 

 

 

 

I Am A Shadow

I am a shadow, I do not exist.

I drift through days like a swirl of mist.

My heart is broken, I cannot feel.

The years that pass will never heal.

 

I am a shadow, I do not exist.

I drift through days like a swirl of mist.

Without you here, there is no me.

There is just pain that others can’t see.

 

I am a shadow, I do not exist.

I drift through days in a swirl of mist.

There is no answer as I search for why.

There is no end to the tears I cry.

 

I am a shadow, I do not exist.

I drift through days in a swirl of mist.

There’ll come a day when together we’ll be,

Me and my angel, my Ned and me.

 

From Dad …

The love you have for your children – there is nothing else.

I heard that on a TV drama a few years ago – it was true to me then and it is true to me now, except I would include the love I have for my beautiful wife, Sharon.

Ned – what can I say? For those of you who knew him, there is no need for me to say anything. For those who didn’t – just look at him. He was always a happy boy, everything and anything made him happy. He was so full of energy and love for life. He was simply our special little boy and we love him and miss him so very much.

Tomi and I have spent a lot of time together these last couple of weeks and during this time we have been looking at YouTube music videos. For some of you who know me it would come as no surprise that we were looking at the Black Eyed Peas (that’s the hip hop group not the food). We came across their song ‘Where is the love?’ It asks with all the bad things going on in the world, where is the love?

Ned has been shown it, from the people who knew him well to the people who knew him only briefly. We were not able to be with Ned in his last moments but have drawn comfort from the people who were there – the doctors, police, firemen, ambulance crew and members of the public who all loved Ned when he needed it. He touched their hearts and we would like to thank everyone who helped Ned in his hour of need. We would also like to thank those who have helped us over the past two weeks. I don’t think we appreciate our public servants enough.

We would also like to thank our friends and family and everyone who has offered us their love, kindness and support.

So I can now tell the Black Eyed Peas that we have found the love and that Good will always prevail.

The last few years with Sharon, Tomi, Ned and Cai have been the happiest of my life. The last few days have been very dark. At one point I was going to tell my friends not to have children as the pain of losing them is too great; that thought has now gone. There will be endless dark days ahead but I do feel a glimmer of hope that in time we will remember Ned for the loving little boy he was, who brought us so much happiness in his short life.

My mission in life is simple: to make my family happy. I do not feel angry, bitter or resentful, but I do feel a desperate sadness at what might have been. But mostly, I feel overwhelming love – love for my wife, Sharon (Sharon, I love you and will never leave your side) and love for my sons Tomi, Ned and Cai. Tomi and Cai I love you and I’m going to build you a tree house this summer. Ned, I love you and miss you more than I can put into words. You are in our hearts every second of every day and I hope that one day, I’ll be with you again.

Dad x

 

An Angel I Was Given

An angel I was given

To cherish for a while;

An angel with such joy for life

And a beaming, dimpled smile.

 

My angel, he was taken,

Too sudden to comprehend.

After only five short years,

His life came to an end.

 

The empty days feel endless.

My mind’s a-whirr with why.

Why take away my little boy?

Why did he have to die?

 

An angel I was given

To cherish for a while;

And though the pain will never fade,

One day he’ll help me smile.